Easter Pie

Disclaimers: This recipe is somewhat expensive for the yield, but absolutely worth it. Also, if making the crust appears too intimidating or you have a time crunch then check the bottom of the "making the crust" section for a couple of easier variants. Making the crust: Dust a large surface with flour and mound 3 cups of flour on it. Punch down the top of the mound to make what looks like a volcano and crack 5 eggs into it. Also toss in some salt. Gradually knead the flour into the eggs to form dough being careful not to let the eggs breach the wall of flour and run out. Once you have the semblance of a ball of dough, continue kneading until it comes together. If the mixture becomes crumbly while kneading then splash on some water to make it adhere. You may also need to add flour from time to time to keep the surface smooth and non-sticky. When you have a nice ball of dough then put it in a bowl, cover it with a dish towel, and place it in the refrigerator for half an hour while you rest your hands, enjoy a glass of red wine, and listen to Frank Sinatra. Alternate method #1, bread mixer: Put the flour into the bowl, start the mixer on low, gently add eggs one by one and the salt, increase mixer speed a bit, and then just let it do the work for you. Add water/flour as needed. Refrigerate as noted above. Alternate method #2, ready made dough: Get enough of Pillsbury's ready-made pie crust dough and skip all of the above except for the part about enjoying red wine and listening to Sinatra. Prepare the filling: Crack 18 eggs into a very large mixing bowl and beat them. Next, crumble the Farmer’s cheese into the eggs and beat some more. Then add the pepperoni, hard salami, Parmesan and Romano cheeses, and spices to taste and mix together. Note that at this point a whisk is useless, so use your hands and jump right in. You can stop mixing when everything is well blended. Constructing the pie: Take the dough out of the fridge and let it warm up and rest a bit on the counter. Grease a lasagna pan with butter and dust a large work surface with flour. Roll out the dough out into a large, very thin rectangle. Lay the dough into the pan so that the bottom and walls are covered. Next, push out any air bubbles so that the dough is flush with the entire inside of the pan and then trim the excess dough hanging over the walls of the pan and set it aside for later. Dock the bottom of the dough in the pan. Pour the filling into the pan and smooth it over with a spatula until it is evenly distributed. Do not worry if it does not reach the top of the pan because it will rise during baking. Take the extra dough that you set aside earlier and roll it out into a thin rectangle. Cut it into long strips about a half an inch wide. Criss-cross these strips to form a decorative lattice work over the top of the pie. Separate one egg and discard the whites. Beat the yolk and then use a brush to gently wipe it over the top of the pie. Baking the pie: Place the pie in an oven that has been preheated to 350 degrees Fahrenheit and bake it until an inserted knife comes out clean, approximately 45 minutes. The top should be golden and the filling will have risen to the top of the pan if not slightly above it in the center. Remove the pie from oven and leave it on the counter or a baking rack to cool. Once it has cooled enough to transfer to the refrigerator, cover it with foil and move it to the refrigerator to cool overnight. Easter pie is traditionally served cold, so once it has completely cooled you may simply slice it into squares and enjoy! It may be warmed up by zapping it briefly in a microwave if anyone insists. You may also freeze it to thaw out later by placing it on your counter and then refrigerate to enjoy the following day. Salute!